Article: Against The Odds

Against the Odds

Pregnancy is supposed to be filled with joys and happiness. You are supposed to go buy cute little baby things. Your friends and family are supposed to throw you a baby shower where you are given useful, and charming things. You are supposed to complain about all those horrible pregnancy symptoms, marvel in first kicks, and delight in the sight of your child on ultrasound. It's a time for plans and excitement.

Not for terror and confusion.

It's not supposed to be a time of unknowns, and such fear that you can't bear to create a beautiful nursery for your baby-to-be. Where you wander around the baby departments at your local stores, pick up little things in pure want, and feel your heart sink as you place it back. Having a million questions that can't be answered by anyone, including the best doctors, and simply not knowing what will be in store for your precious baby. Being too scared to complain, because you are afraid that God will take your baby away. No one can ease your fears, they only seem to add to it, with more questions and new worries.

Welcome to the world of a rare genetic disorder called Mosaic Trisomy 16, and many others like it. Countless families have stepped into these shoes, and yet there is still only as much known about these disorder, and specifically MT16 as there was ten years ago.

What is Mosaic Trisomy 16? A Trisomy is when there is three of the same chromosome, instead of two, in each cell.. Mosaic means that the extra chromosome is not in all of the cells, but only in a select number, or pieces. 16 is the chromosome number affected.
This is an extremely rare genetic disorder. If a child had Trisomy 16, meaning all cells were affected, they would die in utero, probably before the first trimester is over. It is believed to be one of the most common reason's why some babies are miscarried. There are also several other Trisomy disorders not only affecting the 16th chromosome group, but many of the other 23 groups of chromosomes. Some of the more common ones have names, Trisomy 21 is Down's Syndrome, and probably the most common Trisomy there is. Trisomy 18 is Edward's Syndrome, and Trisomy 13 is Patau Syndrome. It is commonly believed that any child with a Trisomy will have no quality of life, but that is simply not the case. A lot of children who survive pregnancy, birth, and infancy with a Trisomy have problems, but not all have the worst-case scenario the doctors and genetic teams would like for you to believe. Some of these children prove those disbelievers completely wrong, and you would never know there was a thing wrong with them.

In the instance of Mosaic Trisomy 16, or as those who deal with it on a daily basis call it, MT16, there are no known absolute "this is how your child will be" cases. Each child born with MT16 is different and has varying medical problems and conditions. Some of the more common things are; Intrauterine Growth Retardation (IUGR), Prematurity, Two-Vessel Umbilical cord (they usually have 3 vessels), Congenital Heart Defects, and a lot of the boys have needed Hypospadious Corrections. The other problems are too far and wide a list to share. Each case, as each child, are different. As is each story.

Our story started in 2001. Five years of secondary infertility and several miscarriages after our first child my doctor offered the possible solution of a common fertility drug. Clomid is commonly used to help with ovulation difficulties. On our third month of this medication, and when we least expected it, I finally conceived, on my birthday. Only a few days later I went into the office for a routine blood test, knowing it would be like all the rest, a big fat negative. Instead, I was surprised and shocked into tears with a positive result. Completely disbelieving, I took a home pregnancy test the following Monday, and was still shocked and amazed that it had too, come back positive. We had an early ultrasound done the following week, and saw nothing. I was worried there, a little, but somehow I knew, this time was different. At least that's what I wanted to believe.

On July 26th, we went in for our second ultrasound. Still only a few weeks along, we were looking for that baby, and the relief of seeing a heartbeat. When the ultrasound tech began, we saw a little line and a little beating bubble connected to it. That was our baby, and the heartbeat. We were given the gift of actually hearing the baby's heartbeat through the ultrasound machine. The heart rate was 107. Not many people can say that they heard their baby's heartbeat at 6 weeks gestation! It was a gift, a miracle, and I knew right then and there, if nothing else, this baby was a fighter!! Our due date was March 17th 2002, St. Patrick's Day.

When we had our 3rd ultrasound the following month, we were blessed by hearing the baby's heartbeat again. The little heart was beating at a rate of 180! We were so excited, this time we could make out a little head, body, arms and legs! Then the ultrasound tech made a comment about how the due date based on measurements was March 22nd. I know five days isn't much, but this struck me as odd. I asked my OB about it, and he just said not to worry about it. I tried to brush it off, but it seemed to stick in the back of my mind.

In September I wasn't feeling well and had our first official OB appointment. The baby's heartbeat was detected with the Doppler, and was beating at a rate of 158. Everything seemed fine and we were past that point where I was finally able to really get excited. We went ahead and scheduled the Alpha Fetal Protein (AFP, Triple Screen) test for the following week. I had one done with our oldest child and expected nothing but a normal result with this one too.

In October I began feeling movement. This was one of the aspects of pregnancy I loved! On the 9th we went in for my routine OB visit. We found out the AFP had come back abnormal, giving off possibilities of both Downs Syndrome and Spina Bifida. Between my Doctor and my husband, they talked me into getting an amino. So on the 19th I went in, and as terrified as I was, it was better then I had expected. I still never wanted to do it again, and was a bit traumatized due to my own feelings on needles. The results came back on October 30th and we went into the office to discuss them. My mom, husband, our oldest son, and I were in a small little exam room when the doctor came in. He told us, "It's not Downs or Spina Bifida. The baby has a rare genetic disorder called Mosaic Trisomy 16." Everything from then on fell on half deaf ears, up until he said, "Oh and by the way, it's a boy!" All I could think was, it's a boy. Our new little boy. His name had been picked out for a while, he would be named Noah Alexander. It seemed like a nice strong name, and in this case, this baby needed every ounce of help he could get!

A genetics appointment was made quickly in Marshfield, about two hours from home. When we got home after making the appointment, first thing I did was jump on the internet and try to look up any information on Mosaic Trisomy 16. We couldn't find anything, until one thing popped up, a site called Disorders of Chromosome 16, or better known as DOC16. A woman, named Karen, who a little over 6 years before had been in my shoes, with her daughter Shayna, contacted me. She's the founder of the organization and the whole goal was to make sure that other families had information to go on, other then the worst-case scenarios given by the Doctors. She became an angel on earth to me, because she provided me with as much information as she could to help us learn more about MT16. I read all the stories on the website, I wanted all the info, good or bad. I wanted to be prepared, and most importantly, I wanted our 5 year old son Calahan to be prepared. We learned that no matter when his birth occurred (early or full term) he would be tiny, that was a very big commonality between all the cases. We found out he would probably have some sort of heart issues, and possibly some umbilical cord problems but other then that, the list was long and wide of possible complications to both pregnancy and baby. It was overwhelming and scary. But I managed to hold onto all the good in the stories too. These babies were making it, past pregnancy, past infancy, into childhood. They were smart, they were reaching their milestones, and they were beautiful.

We went to Marshfield a few short days after the diagnosis was revealed. I was close to 21 weeks, over half way through the pregnancy, and only a few weeks away from a "viable" pregnancy if he were to be born then. First thing we ended up doing was getting a Level II ultrasound, they pushed and poked and let me tell you, that was the most painful ultrasound of my life. I got a few pictures out of the deal. Then we went down to the genetics department after the 2 hour poking session and was escorted to a conference room. They started out by telling us how this happens. While the egg is splitting two of the same chromosome goes into one and two go into another but in this case, three go into one egg and one goes into the other the egg with one cell dies off, but the one with three continues to split and multiply. It wasn't anything my husband and I could have prevented, or caused, it was just a fluke of nature.

They went on, telling me how he would have no quality of life, would be mentally and physically delayed, would probably die in-utero or shortly after birth every possibly bad outcome was given to us, but not a single positive thing. Then he said he had to give us the option to "interrupt the pregnancy." It took me a moment. I'd never heard it phrased like that before. "Interrupt the Pregnancy." I was half way through how could that even be an option. It made me sick. This was my child and this person was sitting there, across the table, giving me the option to terminate the life that was inside me. The life I had fought over five long years for? This miracle that my womb held? MY MIRACLE? He had the audacity to actually suggest it, especially after giving us every bad case scenario there was. "That is not a possibility," I said after finally getting over the shock that he just suggested I kill my baby because his health wasn't perfect. He then turned to my husband, and shocked me even more, by asking him how he felt about it. "I feel the same way she does," he told him. "The only way we'd do anything of that sort," he continued, "is if Noah could have better chances outside then inside."

He finally asked if we had any questions, and I asked him how big we should expect Noah to be. He told us that he would have low birth weight, even if he went full-term he would only be 4 to 6 pounds at birth, depending on how well he grew inside. As things were going, he was going to be small, and I was thinking he'd be 4lbs at birth, that was the number I had in my head since finding out the news. Our specific conditions inside had some problems. The placenta was small, the fluid around him was low, and Noah was small for gestation. Other then that, they didn't find anything wrong with his heart, or umbilical cord, but would give us no guarantees that there wouldn't be any present at birth. He told me that there would be physical and mental delays. When I said "That's not necessarily true," as I knew from the information I had read off the website, he stressed the point that there would be. Making me feel that he would not be convinced otherwise, it would happen. I felt as if I left there, or went in there for that matter, knowing more then they did.

In November, just a few days after my routine doctors appointment, we had a scare. I lived in denial for four days. I had been feeling Noah move, and then all of a sudden, for 4 days I didn't feel Noah move at all. The first day I noticed but brushed it off. The second day I tried not to notice. The third day I was in denial and prayed he was moving around while I was sleeping. The fourth day I was petrified, but too must so to make the call. Though by the fifth day, I prayed and prayed and then called the doctor. They told me to come in immediately, and I did. The second they put the little microphone to my belly and we heard his heartbeat, found out all was fine, the little stinker decided to become a wiggle worm and didn't stop moving all day. He had several days to make up for you know. He managed to give his mother a heart attack though.

Just a few short days later, on November 17th, the contractions started, and would continue through the rest of the pregnancy, and with-in a month it would start being very noticeable, to the point where the contractions would hurt.

December 7th I had my 6th ultrasound. His heartbeat was 167, the determined that the placenta was smaller then what it should be, the fluid was low, and Noah had asymmetrical IUGR meaning that his brain was getting the most nutrients, then going to his organs, and then to his extremities. He weighed, approximately, 15 oz. Now to put this into perspective, a baby at 26 weeks gestation, should be an estimated weight of 2 lbs.

January is when things calmed down, at first, and then the tiny little holes in that dam, broke. My blood pressure increased, to the danger point. I went in on January 28th for a Non-stress test, where they measure contractions, movement, and heartbeat. During this NST, they lost Noah's heartbeat, which wasn't unusual, but this time, it was a very obvious heart deceleration, and not just the little monkey moving around too much. This was a sign that the conditions on the inside, were starting to become unhealthy. On January 29th,, I went in for another NST, and right away my blood pressure was so high, and they detected protein levels in my urine, and that right there, put me in full diagnosis of a pregnancy complication called Pre-eclampsia, which I had also experienced with my first pregnancy. Not only that, but during the actually NST Noah had several heart decelerations. Before they even let me leave from the office, they gave me the first steroid shot to help mature Noah's lungs, unknowing if he would have to be delivered that very day, or not. I had instructions to go straight to the hospital, no stops anywhere, only there and that was it.

I got there, and once I was admitted and hooked up to every machine they could possibly think of, I was barely allowed to get up to use the bathroom. I was teased with food, and had it taken away because they weren't sure if they would have to perform an emergency c-section. Here I was, 33 weeks pregnant, scared to death, and the end of this pregnancy was looming above us. They gave me 2 other steroid shots to help mature Noah's lungs. Doing an amnio on January 31st, to check his lung maturity. Noah on the other hand, thought the needle was a toy and tried to play with it to which my doctor said "Bad Baby" and the fluid came out a pale yellow, meaning biliruben was in the fluid. My pre-eclampsia was getting worse, and Noah's heart decelerations were getting worse every sign said, take him out now. The following morning, on February 1st, 2002, my doctor came into my hospital room and told me he was no longer giving me a choice about going to the level three NICU hospital two hours away, I was going, but they wouldn't take the baby until the following day.

I traveled by ambulance to Marshfield, Wisconsin, to St. Joseph Hospital. Admitted and put into a room where I was promptly told I could have nothing to eat or drink, would be getting more blood work done and another ultrasound, my 10th. Then they would determine if they would take Noah now, or later. After doing so, the team came in and told us, they were taking him now. He had to come out.

They prepared me quickly shaved me, put the horrible catheter in. By about 3:15pm I was in the operating room (I had gotten there about noon!) They gave me a spinal. Things went quickly from there... I was trying so hard not to cry. Trying not to think about Noah, but what else is there to think about. The ONLY thing I had hoped for, was to hear him cry. I just wanted to hear him cry and know he was ok!! Next thing I knew everyone is yelling "3:45, 3:45" I didn't know what was going on! Only took us a few minutes to figure out Noah had been born, no one told us. We looked over to the room where he had been taken, a room off to the side of the OR, closed off but with a window of it's own... and there were a bunch of doctors and people in there. We didn't even see him... hadn't even known he was born. No one said "It's a boy" or anything......... and that's one of those things that still kills me to this day. We just wanted to know if he was ok, and didn't know anything.



I was taken back to my room... and we knew nothing. It took a little while for people to start coming in. First thing out of everyone's mouth was what a cutie he was. We were told of specific little problems... micro preemie weight - told to us in grams (that means what?) ... looks good, on the vent - didn't want him to even try to breath so they didn't let him.... had 3 little holes in his heart... and a few other things... Said we (meaning everyone but me) could go see him in about 20 minutes. 4 hours later, Noah's Dad, his Dad's mom, my mom and big brother Calahan finally got in to see him, (after 7pm). Came back showing me one of his diapers, and some video... and told me he was 1lb 12.2oz and 13 3/4 inches. (At a normal 33 week pregnancy, a baby would be around 4lbs and 15 inches.) They gave me some Polaroid's too. My husband and Calahan left shortly after, leaving my Mom with me. We played Uno for awhile waiting for my feeling to come back in my legs. Finally it came back enough that I could move my feet and legs - and so they told me I could go see Noah now... it was around 9:20pm. I tried so hard not to cry when I first saw him. He was SO TINY... just unbelievable..... I couldn't believe it.... just couldn't. "The first 24 hours will tell the difference" I was told..... I had no doubt, he was here, HE WOULD MAKE IT.

I pushed myself the morning after he was born, I wanted to get up and do it NOW because I wanted to go see him. I almost fainted. Came so close I had tunnel vision and couldn't hear a thing. But I did it..... and I was up and walking around the rest of the day. Back and forth to the NICU... Noah did great though!! He came off the vent about 40 hours after he had been born...... the nurses would walk past his bed and stop dead, wondering why this 1 lb baby was OFF the vent. And after a week, he was basically termed as a "feeder, grower" ...

Noah had several problems in the NICU... he had hyperbilirubinsim (his jaundice would keep coming back), he had his heart murmurs, he had some bradys (basically heart decelerations) - mostly the couple weeks before coming home - some of them were not "true" bradys... he had some fluid on his brain they were concerned about, ended up putting me in a panic - but we were suspicious because our friends baby had the same thing, what are the odds of that? It ended up being a temporary ultrasound technician and the normal one who deals with the NICU babies said it was a variation of normal, and they were fine.... they saw his right kidney was enlarged (I don't know if that has gotten better or not) ... he had umbilical and groin hernias... and a hypospadious (his urinary tract went to the underside of his penis instead of the tip)... and he went through other tests for his MT16. We found out the placenta was 100% Trisomy 16, the blood was 0% Trisomy 16, they did a skin graph on him, and his skin cells were 30% Trisomy 16 which is what they found in the amniotic fluid was 30% from the amnio. We are lucky to have him.

We were there 6 1/2 long weeks, and he came home the day after his due date. He came home at 3lb 10oz! Everyone asks me if I was freaked out taking him home then, but I wasn't at all. I had been taking care of him while he was in the NICU - by the time he was 3 weeks old I was doing a lot of what the nurses did. I was there between 8 and 9am and didn't leave until 10 pm usually. A week after coming home he ended up back in the NICU for 5 days, due to a cold. That was heartbreaking. We had just left and there we were again.

18 months old, finally going to walk!

Noah has been in the hospital only a few times since, and is doing better then anyone could have or would have expected. He's smart and although he is mildly delayed, mostly just due to his small size, he is doing so well. You wouldn't know looking at him, that anything was wrong with him. So much for that death sentence, that "no quality of life" warning, we were given when he was only 4 months inside. Although anything can happen at any time, and there is always the chance that something could drastically go wrong, it's a fear we have to live with, and not dwell on. This disorder can affect any organ, and you can't test a child's organs for piece of mind. I made a decision, a long time ago when I was first told about Noah's disorder, that I would accept any time I was given with him, even if it was just a few short moments. That is the vow I live by everyday. That is what I concentrate on. Making the life of my child, the best it can be.


I hold a miracle in my arms everyday because I put my trust in God, and not in the medical professional I was suppose to trust giving me information. I am thankful and know that it was technology and many many doctors and nurses who did their jobs so well that kept him alive, doing what they needed to do to get him here safe, and home healthy. Most of all, I thank God, everyday, for the miracle I hold in my arms. I cherish every good moment, and every bad. I never gave up on him, and I never will.

At 5 ... He has been sick lately, suffering, the DRs never seem to know what is going on... and I'm afraid our time is coming, but I try not to think about it, it is only a fear. The sudden problems with his stomach and kidneys weight heavily on me. I worry, I am his mom, I can't help it. Noah is only 30 lbs and 38 inches. But he doesn't care. He just wants to be BIG like his brother. He has become a big brother himslef now... his brother was small, but bigger then him, at 3lbs 4oz... he was in the same exact spot Noah was in the NICU. Nathan loves his brother. Noah knows it...

The week his brother Nathan was born (April 2007) ... Noah got very sick. Fevers of 103-104 .. complaining of pain on his right side, vomiting... I took him into our local ER, they brushed it off as a virus. A few days later, since I had an appointment at the clinic/hospital 2 hours away (where Noah had been born, and Nathan would be born) ... I decided to take him with. They ended up admitting him right away, he was close to kidney failure!

In 2008, he became a big brother again!

Now he is 7 years old - almost 7 1/2 ... he is doing great! He still hasn't hit the 40lb mark but we aren't complaining. He's about to finish 1st grade, and is excited to learn to read this summer with me. He is such a joy to have in our family. The major issue going on right now is that Noah has hearing issues. Nothing major.

Even though my son has a defect in his heart... it is so huge and so full of love. He can wrap love around anyone he meets. One of my goals, since finding out about his difficulties, I want to get the word out about genetic disorders like this.

You really do not understand what a miracle is, until you hold one, and love one....

Article: Feelings of Infertility

Feelings of Infertility
11/20/2003 (originally written) 05/30/09 (revised) ....

People don't understand the emotions that come into play when you are trying to conceive and/or suffering from infertility....

When you first start trying it’s all great!! You feel excited and strong. You throw yourself into learning all the signs of fertility.. and you are alert to everything your body is doing. You feel attractive with all the attention you are getting from your spouse. You are optimistic, hopeful, joyful, enthusiastic about the process. Eager for that day to come when you turn that pregnancy test positive. The first few months you are determined and completely untroubled. You know that things probably wouldn’t happen the first month, so if it doesn’t happen, it’s just all part of the process. You are still capable of moving on and just brushing it off as part of the experience. You are sure to be sensitive to those around you who are going through it too, and become a source of support. You just try to stay relaxed, because you know it’s important. Not to mention you are sure it’ll happen for you soon, and are completely at ease with the process of conceiving. You are completely comfortable and content sitting back and letting nature take it’s course.

Then on top of all those feelings, after a few unsuccessful months, the more negative feelings start creeping in. At first you are just a little moody, and tired of the same thing month after month. You start feeling a little discontented, and disconnecting from some of things you love. You start to become unsure it will really happen, and impatient for it to happen. Then you become puzzled, and annoyed. You are torn up with everything, wondering what is wrong with you. Then you look at your spouse and wonder what is wrong with HIM? Mostly you just blame yourself, and feel worthless, and helpless.

You are becoming trapped in the world of infertility and you can’t get out until you hit rock bottom, which takes a lot longer time then anyone realizes. It took me 5 years to hit rock bottom!

You are edgy and upset, confused, tense, worried, and generally unhappy. You are frustrated because it’s not happening, and frightened that it won’t. You are embarrassed as people ask you if you have been successful, and uncomfortable with answering. As much as you want to know why it’s not happening, what is wrong with you and/or your spouse, you are apprehensive to do so. You are frightened that your dream of a family will never come true, and anxious for it to happen already. You are so frustrated you’d love to just quit trying, but find yourself unable to. Even while telling your family, friends, and even yourself, that you are done… you are still sucked in, trying to make it happen. Then you become worn out and depressed. You feel useless.

Then your friends become pregnant, and you can’t help but to be jealous of them, maybe even a little resentful and spiteful. You want to be happy for them, and truly are, but behind closed doors, it’s harder to focus on the positive feelings. You find yourself glaring and perfectly happy pregnant people you pass in stores, and are disturbed by the fact that you are. You feel awful, hopeless, and shamed. You feel lonely, like you are the only person who understands and no one else possibly can. You think your spouse blames you and you feel guilty for letting yourself get in so deep.

At the bottom of the pit of infertility, there is nothing but anger, hurt, pain, loneliness and misery. Completely trapped and afraid, there is no way out. You are furious that you let yourself go down this deep, and terrified you’ll never get out. All because you wanted that one precious thing it seems everyone else can have, except you.

I'll admit, I'm very lucky... starting out our family, I'm one of those rare people who got pregnant coming out of the starting gate!! My ex husband and I had two children. The first month we haphazardly tried, we were pregnant. Unfortunately, the pregnancy started out with a miscarriage, and my joy quickly turned to grief! It hadn't even been a week that I had known I was pregnant... and then the spotting started, and then stopped... and then the massive cramping started where I could do nothing but curl into a ball and cry.... and then the bleeding, I've never bleed like that before in my life, and the clots and ... I knew.. I just knew my baby was gone. And it hurt so badly. Ever since I was little, the only thing I ever wanted to be, was a Mom.... We figured we'd try again right away... but the pregnancy symptoms never went away... it took me a month to go in and finally get tested, and to find out I was still pregnant. (It had been twins) We decided to try for more – right away.

It was then, that our problems (or my problems) only begun. And the Infertility Monster sucked me in, and I let it. I spent 5 years of tests, different doctors all telling me the same thing, and doing nothing…. I kept trying, even when we weren’t trying. I had several more miscarriages, and with each one a little piece of hope shattered like a glass of fine crystal. I was hurt, and everything I described above. I was lost, so ready for the journey to be over, and so ready to just say enough. But I couldn’t, and I knew it – not matter what, I was sucked in. My family was not complete and the feeling of want, or need, would never go away until the feeling of completion happened... or at least the satisfaction of having another successful pregnancy. Then I met my current DR and as much as I was not in there for infertility treatments, that’s exactly what he provided me with. He told me I would have another baby, and prescribed me Clomid… and suddenly I had new hope. Thanks to some tiny white pills, I actually held that hope in my heart again. But after two unsuccessful cycles and the third taking it’s toll on me, I was just done. That was it, I hit my breaking point. No more. NO MORE!!!!!! We didn’t even "baby dance" that month, really. Twice mid-cycle, and once on my birthday, then late in my cycle. I continued out the cycle, temping and charting, because I had already took the Clomid. But I knew – there was no way – and I was DONE. Stress and life had taken it's toll on me that week. I was ready to get a divorce, and move on with my life... and my one child. Then 11 days after my birthday, on July 6th, I went in for my routine blood test, ready to say I’m done, no more. I need a break. When the unexpected happened….. it came back positive. I started crying… spilling tears of frustration and happiness all mixed into one. Five years of pent up feelings rushed out of me ….. but with my history, I wasn’t truly free until I heard that heartbeat, and knew – everything would be ok. I wasn’t truly free until my second son was born, until I held him, his tiny little body, in my arms and heard him cry for the first time. I wasn’t truly free until I brought him home …

Although my first marriage continued after finding out I was pregnant, and we even tried to conceive for 3 years of the 4 we stayed together after, it did end in divorce. And down the road, I met my current husband. We knew we wanted children together, or at least to try.... we wanted one for sure, maybe two... but I had some hope, and a lot of fear. Telling him my history and that I may or may not be able to carry another baby... by the time I met him, I had 11 miscarriages total, and then we suffered one the summer we met. But we knew, we had to at least try...

The month before we started to try, my cycle started and I had to travel for 2 weeks at the beginning without my (at the time) fiance. So knowing that, we decided to try the following month, after my traveling was done, knowing that because I was going to be well past mid-way in my cycle... that we wouldn't even be able to try that month. So I traveled, and came home... and we pretty much spent the next 3 days in bed together, just enjoying being able to wrap ourselves up in each other again. I had an appointment with my OB and told him of our plans, and he said wonderful, but because of my miscarriage history, he told me he wanted me to take Progesterone from the time I test positive, to the 12 week mark of pregnancy. I said fine, and filled it to have it at home, just in case. Then the following week passed and I was anxious for my cycle to start so that we could start trying. But it wasn't coming, and it wasn't coming... so on the 28th day of my cycle I went in for a blood test, and it was negative. I couldn't understand it - lately I hadn't even been going 26 days in my cycle... so I waited... and on the 32nd day I took a home pregnancy test, negative. HOW FRUSTRATING. I knew I wasn't pregnant, I couldn't be - not with the traveling. My cycle had been so regular, I just didn't understand. Two days later I was talking to a girlfriend of mine, and she said "I know you are pregnant, will you just got take another test?" She kept at me until finally, at 4pm that afternoon I went downstairs to the bathroom. When walking upstairs with that long stick in my hand... I stopped dead, and the tears started to flow..... it was positive. I started to take the pills ... and a few weeks later, we saw our little Belly Bug on the ultrasound... heart beating... and thriving.

Both babies that I fought for, were diagnosed with health issues during my pregnancy. Although, for the most part, I got 3 babies out of my fight, and am now the proud mother of 4 boys...

My husband and I had decided that if #3 was a boy, we would try one more time for that girl that I always dreamed of having, but we got another boy, and I don't care - he is such a joy and blessing to have! I had hoped and prayed for another miracle, wishing nothing more but to never enter that Infertility Abyss again…

Our Family

A little bit about us...

My name is Annissa, I am a (cough) 30 - something Mom of 4 very active boys!! I am married to a great man named Dennis. He recently returned to school to follow his dream - of becoming a Chef - after getting bitten by the economy bug! He is also working part time. I am a photographer, a writer, and avid TV tuner-inner ... ha ha ... I scrapbook, I do all sorts of creative stuff... Dennis calls me the creative wonder sometimes. We have been married for over 2 years ... he is the answer to my prayers after my 10 year marriage ended in a much needed divorce. I have several different blogs under another account. Dennis is starting a blog of his own to talk about food and such. He also has a 4 year old daughter from a previous relationship.

Our oldest is 13, Calahan ... he is homeschooled, and just recently broke his first bone! He loves video games and gets that love from his Dads (yes, both of them) ... he also loves cars and reading. His biggest passion is Killer Whales. He hopes to someday work with them. In 2006 one of his dreams came true when we took a cruise out of Washington State into Canadian waters to see the whales! And we did! He has a slight interest in photography and is over all just looking forward to homeschooling. Calahan has ADHD and some other LD's that we are trying to deal with. Over all, he is just a great kid who loves to help out in whatever way he can, as long as they aren't his chores! He loves his little brothers.

Our 2nd oldest is Noah ... he was 1lb 12oz when he was born, and has come a long way - I was told he wouldn't survive the pregnancy or if he did that he would die shortly after birth. I kept faith that I would love him for whatever time I had him. He was born with a rare genetic disorder (happens the same way as Down's Syndrome but completely different symptoms) .. I was told he would be so mentally and physically delayed it wouldn't "be worth it" ... but I held onto all the hope I could. Although he had a lot of medical stuff going on, looking at him now - you would have no idea anything was wrong with him unless I told you his story. Because of some minor medical issues, we are still debating homeschooling him or not, he is in public school right now but is slightly behind (he does have hearing loss which makes it hard for him to really retain anything when he is processing things differently due to that.) ... Noah's interests are broad right now. He likes most things you would think little boys like. Right now he wants to grow up to be a cop!

Next comes Nathan, Dennis' and my first baby together (all our children are loved the same though, by both of us) ... he is 2 years old and our sick baby. We have been through so much with him the past couple years - he was born with a cyst in his brain, also had a cleft palate (now closed), and now he has been diagnosised with slight scoliosis, Failure to Thrive (15 lbs at the age of 2), migraines, severel seasonal allergies ... and we are waiting for results on possible Russle Silver Syndrome and possible more social form of Autism. It doesn't matter what he is going through though, he is the most loveable little boy. He can have you grinning and laughing in no time when he is being his goofy self.

Kaedyn is our baby! He is currently awaiting his 1st Birthday in September, which will be 9-9-09! What a date for a 1st birthday, huh? I think his lucky number should be 9, personally! He is such a joy to have around! Dennis and I often find ourselves saying "he is the best baby" ... teehee.. I'm sure that he'll make up for it later. Kaedyn's biggest interests at this time is to hit his milestones at warp speed. He cut is first two teeth, started sitting up (if someone put him that way), and belly crawling all in one week. The following week he learned how to sit up on his own (from belly to sit, all by himself), and to get up on all fours and rock, and NOW he is working on crawling. Oye! Someone stop him!! I want to enjoy my baby just a little bit longer!

That is a little bit about our family.

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